Day 2

So here I am at day 2, feeling rather accomplished. I have eaten the way I had hoped, and exercised in accordance to what my goals were. Super. Feeling good. Yep, no problem here with goal setting and sticking to it. Except tomorrow. I mentioned I homeschooled so from 8 am until noon I am busy. Not to mention keeping up after two little ones who could give a rip about learning anything. Plus I have a small little hair business to tend to, and tomorrow happens to be a busier day with all that. Really from 8 am until 9pm I am going non stop. What’s wrong with this picture? I have become the very person I loathed about 3 years ago; the mom who is so busy with all these activities that she has no moments to her self. No down time. God did not wire us to go go go. He made us to stop, each day I might add, and literally smell the roses. I used to think that once a week was fine to stop and rest. The more kiddos we add to this family the more I see it’s imperative to do so each day.

So here I am at a cross roads. Wake up tomorrow, accept the day that I schedule before me and go on only to collapse in a heap at 9 pm, or work out another option. There are always plan B’s, even when it doesn’t look like it. As I started writing  tonight I never imagined this is what I’d be writing about. I guess it fits though with goal setting. Most of us can’t finish anything because we have too many ‘things’ on our plates. We live in a cyclone society and there is tremendous pressure to be doing something all the time. All the stuff is really good, but not all of it is helpful. The Bible says, ” All things are permissable, but not all things are beneficial”.

So tonight as I make my tea and head to bed I wonder what’s going to give tomorrow. My prayer for myself and my family is that I wouldn’t sacrifice them or my personal goals. I pray that tomorrow  I would take my children and stop for a while and smell the roses. Who knows, they may enjoy some Hip Hop Abs and a walk in the park. Call it P.E.?

Day One… here’s where we are

Here I am at the close of day one, this is how I stand in my personal challenge:

Everything I ate was deck of card size, save for the huge portion of salad at dinner, check!

Excercise for 40 minutes, check!

Longing for more Weir,TX bbq, check!

The Deck of Cards Challenge

Welcome to my “Deck of Cards Challenge”

As a general rule I am what you might call a bit of a flake. My husband would say I just lack stick- to- itiveness. Whatever you would call it, I rarely follow through with anything these days. In my early 20’s  I was driven, but for some reason add one husband, four kids, a dog and two cats,  I can’t reach any goals.

Recently  I came across an article that talked about portion control. Being a fanatic about healthy eating, my ears perked up and I read on. “A person of average build and activity should only eat portions the size of a deck of cards”. The article was talking about meats. It went on to say that if you are eating starches the portions should only be the size of a tennis ball. Excuse me? Oh wait, there is good news… you may have half of your plate be fruits and/or veggies. Or more for that matter! Well shout  hooray with me everyone! I pondered this and relayed the info to hubby  thinking maybe he’d be interested in this new thinking. Wrong. His exact words were, ” Is that article from the American Starvation Society?” So no then?

The idea pestered me for a few days. What hung up in my mind is that I thought ‘this is why our nation is fat.’ This is why I live in the fattest state in the country. Portion control. I looked at my own plate that evening, yep there’s a problem. Which got me thinking something else. If hubby won’t join me, I’ll go ahead and try this Deck of Cards business and see if I’m equally satisfied, and perhaps a scant bit thinner. After all, who couldn’t lose a pound or two.

Oh wait, I don’t follow through with anything. I will start it, but then when a weak moment hits and I make an exceptional dinner and maybe feel like I need an extra helping, the cards will spill over and I’ll be done with my goal. Come to think of it, I really want to exercise more each day. Oh crap, another goal. I was just talking to someone about that and spouted off the ” you just need to find the time” business. My personal excuse is I have four kids, plus I homeschool now, when will I ever find time?!  Then there is having my quiet time with God each morning before my little treasures wake up. See that last one is super important because where I may eventually get some “God” time in the day, my emotional well being, then in turn the kids emotional well being is much better if that is #1 in the morning.

This morning as  I was getting ready I thought  ‘that’s it!’ I need to do some goal setting and stick to it. How long I’m thinking… hhmmm, how long? A month? Maybe 6? No no no. That is way too lofty and too committed. A week. That’s it. One week, 7 days. Of course I will need to blog about my experience. I love writing after all, and oh let’s not forget, writing is in the list of goals. Many of you know, some don’t, but I have 1/5 of a book written. Crap, that is depressing, considering the book is about the happenings from last school year. I better get that sucker written before I forget what happened. I could just make it up as I go. Who would know? I never said it would be true. I do like reading fiction, perhaps I would be better at fiction writing anyway. I digress.

So here it is, 7 days to eat portion sizes no bigger than a deck of cards, hence the ‘Deck of Cards Challenge’. Exercise each day and of course spend time with the One who wants to spend time with me the most. Wish me luck and I will let you all know how I fair. I may be thinner, grouchy and starving. Or maybe, just maybe, I will be a new student of discipline.

Joy,Hope, Security, and Great Faith

As we come to the close of another year, I can’t help but look back. What were my successes and what were my failures? I give myself the appropriate pats on the back for the jobs well done, or the kicks in the pants for my perceived misses. It seems many of us get caught up in the ‘be a better you this year’ mentality. It’s tough not to, the messages are everywhere. Scads of books and talk shows are headlined with these topics. Being an overachiever myself, I buy into these ideas hook, line and sinker. Until, in my most quiet moments, which are rare these days, I hear His voice. “Are you ready to hear what I have to say about the past and the future?” “Are you ready to grow and learn from Me?” Like a flood, God’s words spoken through Moses come rushing in. “Listen O heavens and I will speak; hear O earth the words of my mouth. Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants.” (Deut. 32:1-2.) Human nature causes us to try to do it better. Make this year great, make more of an impact! God gently reminds me, it’s about Him. If I have failed, He and I have dealt with it and He remembers it no more. If I have had a triumph of any kind, He did it all. If my kids are obedient, my husband is content, and we are financially sound, it’s because He has showered us with blessings. I can not look at anything good in my life and take any credit. I am then pressed to proclaim His goodness!
There is also the other side of that reflection coin. What’s next? What’s to come? Two years ago we welcomed our precious son Canon, and two weeks later said goodbye to my dad. We rejoiced in the birth of our third child, and yet grieved the loss of my dad. New Year’s can be so exciting and yet so daunting. There can be hope and expectation, but also fear and worry. Still having grief and loss fresh in my mind, I tread lightly into the New Year. A piece of me wants to hold onto last year. I know how it turned out. Even if there was pain, I know that pain and I survived. I don’t know the end of the story for 2008 yet. As my mind flip flops between proclaiming God’s goodness and concern for what lies ahead, He speaks again. The rest of that passage, “Oh praise the greatness of our God! He is the Rock, His works are perfect and all His ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is He.” (Deut.32:3&4.) We can look to the future with joy because His works are perfect. We can feel safe and secure because He is the Rock we hold onto. In a world were there is so much uncertainty and deception, He is our sure foundation whom we can trust. When my biggest fears flood in, when my temptations of thinking I’m great sneak up, and when I take up past sins, I remember to proclaim His goodness. He alone is the reason we can look to a new year with joy, hope, security and great faith.

The true meaning of Christmas found only in the Target bathroom.

So the holiday season was upon us, as was the tremendous shopping that we all feel like we have to do.  Oh I know, we all say that we aren’t doing a lot this year; trying to cut back, get to the “real” meaning of Christmas.  All the while, we talk about what “Santa” is getting the kids for Christmas.  Not too much of course.  Santa must be in on the true meaning as well.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not a Santa hater.  Love the story, love the big guy, who isn’t real just the same as I have a fondness for Elmo or any of those characters.  I just happen to think if I am going to plunk down a load of cash on gifts, I want my kids to know it’s me doing the plunking.  I mean think about it, Christmas morning “Santa” brings your kids an IPOD, and all you got them was a lousy game boy.  I’m just saying, these things set kids up for later in life thinking their parents are cheap or just poor.  Not to mention for our family having to explain that he isn’t real to a very literal boy, and then saying “but God is real, that we didn’t lie to you about.”  But I digress.

We hope and pray to find the Wii set up, or the motorized scooter, or the ever popular, sell your soul for… IPOD nano.  My circle of friends by the way is mostly parents of the 8 and under crowd.  So we press on to the holiday spirit and the giving of it all. Certainly not the getting!   No, no.  I have heard it said, even from my own lips,  “Christmas is so fun with kids!”  The wonder of it all.  As I went on one of my pilgramages of shopping, you know, for just the few things we were getting, those words were swirling around my head like the proverbial suger plums.  It occured to me that Christmas was about Christ. I know funny thing to have just occur to someone, but really.  We always get our kids the three gifts of the wise men. Practical, spiritual and extravegant.  Simple enough.  Still there is stress. Will they like what we have chosen?  Will the extravegant be grand enough? Will the spiritual convey Christ fully?  Will they roll their little eyes at the practical?  So we search each year for the perfect thing, as I was doing upon my revelation.  I was in Wal-Mart in a HUGE line at 8:30 at night, just picking up a few last minute things.  I saw faces of the customers frustrated by the lines and the lack of merchandise so close to Christmas.  It’s all about Christ, and yet here I am trying to get those last few things.  Why?  I should be home reading the story of Christ to my children.  Truth be told, some nights I go shopping alone with my Starbucks so I can like my children even more.  But on this night, I thought ‘this is silly.’  I wanted to get on the loud speaker and say” Attention shoppers!!! Your kids won’t care if you get them any of that stuff!! Go home! Spend time with them! Get a fun family game and play it!”  As you can imagine, I didn’t do that.  It’s not that I think Wal-Mart is all that great, I just hate the thought of being banned from any store.  Maybe I could just whisper it to the person next to me.  No, too weird.  The weird part being that I would be chatting with a stranger, something I am often accused of doing and this night seemed all too inappropriate.  So I stood in line, silently, thinking about all the “perfect” gifts I had already purchased.  Oh dear! I had forgotten the spiritual gifts!  Of all the things.  I had been so busy trying to think of the other things and baking and mailing and all that, that I completely missed it.  By 9:00pm I was at the Christian bookstore, searching for just the right gift of a spiritual nature.  Something that shows my kids, ” see guys this is what Christmas is all about”.  What am I, Linus?  Linus has it all over me this year I’m afraid.  By 9:45pm I had found it.  A sweet Bible for my girl, a fun devotional for the big boy and a cute little first bible for the baby. Perfect. Still, the thoughts kept coming back, sticking with the true meaning.  After awhile I had brushed those thoughts aside and had a more lofty thought.  Tomorrow I would be diligent and read the Bible more to the kids, and we’d have hot cocoa and listen to Christmas songs together. We’d play games, and draw.  Just let me get my things done I need to for Christmas.  After all, it was coming pretty fast this year.  It was on the 25th you know.  Is it the same day every year?

As I left the store, I realized I needed to find a bathroom.  I am 7 months pregnant and so, well, nature calls way more than I have time for.  Alas, I head to Target, because it’s close and oh, I forgot to pick up those few school lunch items.  Off we go!  I headed into the bathroom and was immediatley grateful I am past all the nausea of the first trimester. The bathroom would make a sailor sick.  Almost every toilet had a keeper.  Ask any foreman and they’ll tell you what a keeper is, but I’d rather let you imagine at this point.  I finally find one, only to find it has pee spots on the seat. Seriously, I don’t live in the crack neighborhood where someone might be too strung out to realize they have just sprinkled a little blessing on the seat. So I moved on. Finally, I really did find a stall. I went in, did my business, which was growing more urgent by the minute. I looked over for the toilet paper… none. Perfect. What do you do in these situations? I was in a panic. It had been a stressful day after all. I remembered that our family had just been plagued by a nasty cold and so as all good moms should I had a pack of tissues in my purse. A silent prayer that they’d still be and eureka! They are! Saved. As I left the bathroom, hands washed, especially after that scene, I thought again. See, this is why I should be home. At least to be snuggling my husband and chatting. I believe that digusting bathroom was for me. Really. Placed there by God Himself to show me what my life over the past few weeks had been like. My kids have plenty of goodies. My husband and I have an abundance of goodies. I didn’t need to be out shopping. I should have considered myself done shopping. Going into a rat hole of a restroom in North Dallas was just the remedy I needed. I could have been home in my own warm house where I knew the TP was in abundance. I should know, I’m the one who replaces it!
As it turned out, I did start doing a few more Christmasy things with everyone. We did have hot cocoa, and read more, and listen to music, and watched a few of the old movies. But still, I felt as though I had missed it.
A few days later Christmas came with all it’s excitement. Our sweet children, the ones who I was concerned needed the perfect gifts, spent a half hour looking at their new Bibles. They were so thrilled with that they didn’t really think of the other things piled under the tree. When we mentioned they should start opening their other gifts, they opened one at a time, took the time to play with each new item and were so grateful for every one. Three gifts per child is alot in a family of three kiddos. I watched them and realized, somehow they got it. All my time spent away from them buying the perfect thing, they got it. Not because of my purchases, but because God knew my heart. Somehow He shined through my blunders of trying to make it all just so. To me that was the best gift of all. Knowing that God will meet my kids, right where I have made a mess of things.

Why have children anyway?

Recently a friend asked me how I went on to want more children. The only answer I could give her was,” I just love them.” I’m sure she was thinking, wow! How profound. Can you sense my sarcasm? She was struggling with those first few months of parenting and needed some hope for the future. To my dismay, I didn’t have any hope for her. Parenting is hard. Sometimes it stinks. Literally depending on what the child has eaten. J I told her as much and she seemed relieved that I was so honest with her. Most well meaning veteran parents tell you how wonderful parenting is, likening it to some grand experience never known before. Most of those parents also say their children slept through the night at eight weeks. They lie. They must. After having three very different children, how is it that I didn’t get one who slept through the night until almost a year. Not one of them! I’m sure many of you are already lining up reasons why they didn’t and all the ways I went wrong so they would have slept better. So be it, but I tell myself that to feel better. After all, there are so many things I have goofed on, let me live in my fantasy that other parents simply lie to look good. Sleep is such a precious commodity to us that once a child actually does sleep we feel the need to let the world know exactly when they did it! Same with potty training, butt I digress.

I left my conversation with my friend feeling foolish, feeling like I let her down. After all, I have been in this game for six years and surely I could have come up with something better than, “ I just love them.” This has plagued me for awhile now, consuming more of my thoughts than I care to admit. Why did we want more children? Why two or three or even more crazy four!! There has to be a reason. Here’s some that I have heard. “Oh, it’s the way they look when they are sleeping at night. Like little angels.” Lame. Not only a bad reason, it’s a little self-centered to want more kiddos because they give you a warm fuzzy. Another I have come across is, “ When your child says,’ I love you momma’, your heart just melts!” Also lame, and also self-centered. We can’t just bring human beings into the world for self-centered reasons. I was struggling with the fact I had no idea why we had more children. I knew I enjoyed it, but there had to be a reason. I tend to over think things by the way.

Finally it hit me today as I was reading my Bible. In Psalm 127, God says that children are a reward from Him. He also says that we will be happy, or blessed with children. Really? Even though parenting is difficult, even though it’s not all that rewarding at times, God still says children are a reward? Okay, I’m listening. He says blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. Let’s give a shout out to the families who have sixteen kids! They must be really blessed! The conclusion I came to was, God says they are a blessing. As I thought back on my six whole years of parenting, I realized, He is right. Go figure, the Creator of the universe knows what is right. Raising my tribe has been challenging at times. In fact, when I think of it, it is often challenging. They have their own agenda, which doesn’t fit with mine very often. I am also reminded that in that way, I am very much like my children. God often has something for me, and yet I tend to say, “No, my way God!” Could it be that having children is a reflection of our relationship to Him? I am fully convinced it is. In His grace and mercy though, He showers me with blessings through my child rearing days, even when I have failed Him and the kids miserably. This also happens all too often.

So why have more? Well, I suppose it’s because God says they are a gift from Him. That may sound self-centered also, but when the Creator of the world offers you a gift, would you turn it down because you might get too much out of it? You’d be a fool. Perhaps in another bit of writing I will ramble on and on about the blessings God has given me through my children. There are so many it would take me a lifetime. Answering prayers that otherwise would seem simple or unimportant; carrying me through one of the most difficult loses ever. Or just giving me the strength to honor Him another day by what I say and do to my children. This is why I have continued my journey of adding to the Weir, TX population.

Tough days

Parenting is tough. I know, duh!! It really proves to be much harder as the years go by. Maybe it’s because I have more children with each passing year. Let’s hope that’s not always the case. At some point I’d like to stay at the same number of kids for awhile. Some days are tougher than others, some easier. As new challenges arise, I find myself feeling completely unqualified to parent my troops.

Recently my son let me know that sometimes I make him mad. My first response was to be defensive and try to justify the things I do. Instead I said, “What do I do that makes you mad?” In my mind I was thinking of all the things it could possibly be; I don’t play with him enough, I shout, I ask him to do too many chores, I won’t let him have unlimited sweets. The list was endless in my mind. I was sure he was about to come up with my greatest short coming. He said,”When we play blocks, you turn them over the wrong way and after all roads have a line down the middle.” You might be thinking he was babbling about something that didn’t make sense. Let me explain. We have the oversized cardboard blocks and on one side there is a line from where you fold them together to make the block. When we build, he likes to make roads and it frustrates him when the blocks aren’t facing the same way, or the “right” way. Huh. That’s it?!?! I was coming up with criminal offenses and all he could come up with was that I turn the blocks the wrong way.

It was at that moment that I realized I beat myself up way too much. I know that may not be a news flash to most people. As a self described type A personality, perfectionist I rarely see the good in what I do. I am getting better, lest I end up in a mental institution or worse, my husband and children end up there first. When it comes to raising kids I really scrutinize every aspect of what I do, from what we have for dinner to how neat I keep their rooms. With every baby I have had to let some things slide a bit. When we first had Zion I had well meaning friends that said we had to lower our standards of how the house should look. I think that’s just something lazy people say to make themselves feel better. Who knows? I still have the same standards, I just can’t meet them. My base boards haven’t seen the light of day in two years due to dust on them. My blinds are only clean on the top, not the underneath. As I write this there is laundry in the dryer, getting wrinkled. When I do get all my cleaning done, I finish and honestly expect a roar of applause for my hard work and efforts, sort of an Academy Award moment. That never happens. I will even call my husband and let him know if I have cleaned so he can comment on it when he gets home. Poor guy.

As for my son and his gripe toward me, I assume he just hasn’t figured out yet that I may be lousy at parenting. Maybe his barometer is based on how well I build blocks. Maybe my daughter’s is on how well I can braid her ponies’ hair. Maybe my tiny guy measures it on how many books I read to him. Maybe I should take a moment and see what is important to them and see that I actually am doing a good job. Whatever they measure my parenting success by, it doesn’t matter. My measure of success is at the end of my life when I want to hear those two words, “Well done! “ Each day, as my challenges arise, I seek the One who is the perfect Parent and who knows my children better than anyone, and I know He is pleased. That should be enough for me.

I’m bored!!

“What is there to do? We’re bored!” Sound familiar? Well, in our home these
are foreign words. They are words that are not allowed to be uttered in
front of an adult for fear it might come back to them in the form of some
dreaded weed pulling or other house work. Well, these were words I have
heard a little too often this summer from friends who have frequented our
house. On one such occasion, one of the little treasures proceeded to tell
me she NEEEEEEDED a Nintendo DS because she gets so bored at home. Needed?
She explained that there’s nothing to do at home and after all a person
could only watch so much tv. Seriously? She’s 6! How is it possible that
the world is so dull to her already that she needs constant stimulation? How
did these children become so jaded at such a young age? When I was a kid,
especially at my grandma’s house, you never said you were bored or asked to
watch tv. You would wind up with a rag in one hand and Pledge in the other.
Oh and by the way, you didn’t get paid for it. Can you imagine the child
abuse that went on?? How cruel and cold the world was for my generation.
As I thought about this interaction of needs and desires of 6 year olds, I
was reminded of a batch e-mail that went out awhile back. It said something
to the effect that those of us in my generation, born before 1980, were some
of the most creative, inventive, and adventurous people the planet has
known. Now, I realize that sounds a bit arrogant, but hear me out. As a
whole, my generation tended to take risks. Remember sitting in the back of
pick up trucks, all the way to San Francisco? That one was for my mom.
Remember no seat belts? Remember doing cherry drop flips off the monkey bars
over concrete? I imagine there were a few head injuries, but we weren’t so
fearful. I grew up in So. Cal, and we would spend hours at the beach. This
is were I learned to swim. We would go and play in the water, my mom may
have been in the water or not. As I got older I am sure she hung out on the
beach a little and swam a little, meaning there were times when I could go
in the water by myself. My friends and I would go in, body surf and get out
only to find ourselves four or five life-guard stations away from where we
started. Can anyone relate? As I write this, I cringe to think about my
little ones swimming alone at the beach, mostly because of all the trash
and needles they may encounter. I want them to be risk takers. I want them
to have a lust for life and all that this life has to offer. As it is now
one of my children is cautious to a fault. Maybe he will just be a
conservative little adult. One of my other children on the other hand is a
certified risk taker. She’s frightening really. And, as always, the
verdict is still out on tiny.

I realize I want my children to take risks, and to enjoy this life that God
has given them. As I pray daily for our children, one of my prayers is they
would use the wisdom God has given them in order to discern whether a risk
is worth it. I sit here and try to imagine what that might be. Sky diving?
Base jumping? Leaving everything and becoming a missionary in the deepest
darkest places of the world? Who knows. I pray they would not be conformed
to the patterns of the world around them, playing mind numbing games for
hours, or watching mindless tv for longer than that. Or worse yet, sitting
around saying “I’m bored!” Being bored should be illegal. I can just
imagine getting a ticket for uttering those dreadful words. Eventually, the
penalty may be one couldn’t buy video games, or movies, or pool toys again
because they have allowed themselves to have a lack of imagination. Yes you
heard me, I believe pool toys create a lack of imagination. I have only
heard one time kids playing Marco Polo. Maybe it’s unsafe. You know having
your eyes closed and wandering around a pool. Who knows. In any case, the
food for thought may be, are we raising namby pamby boring people who never
think outside the box, therefore making this the safest yet dullest time the
world has ever known? As a self proclaimed adventure girl, I shudder to
think of such a tragedy!

Another bit of, what I know so far….

I have wrestled with doubt and fear most of my adult life. As I see my oldest child struggle with worry, I feel sad for him. It has taken me eight long years to release life and circumstances to God on a daily basis, and my prayer for that boy of mine is that he would trust in Christ at a young age and fully release any concern he has to Him.
With the recent news of our new addition, you can imagine I would start to worry a bit. It’s a minute by minute battle in my mind. My back was hurting earlier today and it took me right back to the day I miscarried our second baby. When I don’t feel sick, I wonder what could be wrong. Instead, what I ought to be thinking is, “ Hooray! I am feeling great today!” As I mentioned, this one was quite a surprise. One might think I shouldn’t care either way. I mean after all, I already have three kids and why get greedy? I was asking myself, and more importantly God that question the other day. Why me? Why did you chose me to have another baby? I have several friends who can not have children of their own, or have been trying to have a second or even third child only to have God say no, or not right now. We weren’t even asking for this. Why would He allow us this blessing and not someone else? We feel grateful and unworthy.

Funny how when circumstances are bad, we say “why me” as well. When we lose a loved one, or a job, or have a simple let down like a car problem, we say, ‘why me?” My mom once answered that with, “Why not?” That has stuck with me all these years. You see, we question God in His goodness based on a human perspective. We think He should act in accordance with what we deem to be the right thing. After all, if we were God we would….. heaven help us all right? We see tragedy on the news and wonder why is that happening to those poor people? Yet right after, we hop into our lushy plushy car and head to Starbucks because after all, we’ve had a hard day. Forgive my ranting on the subject. Living in North Dallas can make one get a little koo-koo when it comes to seeing unnecessary excess. When we ask ‘why me?’ in a bad circumstance, I wonder how often we ask ‘why me?’ in a good one. Why were we born in this country? That blessing alone begs the question. Why do we have free education available to us? I had a hard time this year with all the fund raisers at my son’s school. Criminy! We pay a lot in school tax and then they want more to build an outdoor something or other. Heaven forbid my child should do without some luxury. He may just have to use his imagination. Poor thing! It’s not that I mind giving money; I might be sounding a bit miserly now. Not at all. I mind giving money to an already over-saturated school system. I mind not getting that money to someplace down about 30 minutes from here to schools that are just trying to survive; to schools who need after school activities because the parents work and kids might go home alone if they don’t stay at the school. I mind giving more to folks who already have tons.

Does God mind giving to those who have tons? Apparently not. He delights in it. We might ask, why does He lavish us when we already have so much? I usually come up with one answer – so that we can in turn give to those who don’t. Now, I am not saying I am going to give away my baby to a family who can’t have one. I am saying we should look in all our abundance and see what we could give. You heard me, give. Not sell to the highest bidder, but give, with an open hand.

I don’t know why God chose to give my husband and I another sweet angel. We don’t deserve it. I do know it has caused me to be even more grateful for the things I do have, for the things He has lavished on me, and to be grateful for the things He has allowed to pass me by.

Life is funny…

It’s funny how God works in your life. There is a great song that we sing at church, “Blessed be the Name of the Lord”. The song speaks of praising God in the good and bad. I remember it was one of my dad’s favorites and when I sing it I imagine he’s singing along, but with the Lord. Cool thought for sure. For the past three years I have literally had little or no control in what happens in my life. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Through rough circumstances and great ones, God has proven Himself faithful over and over. In fact, He has blessed my family in ways I couldn’t have even imagined. We have all new family room furniture that we didn’t pay for. We didn’t steal it, it was a gift. This is just one of the many, many ways He has showered us. So, you might imagine what a great comfort that is to me, especially finding out recently that I am expecting another baby. Some of you that have known me awhile might say, “doesn’t that make 7 pregnancies??”. Yep, sure does. We have 3 live babies and three that are with Jesus already. This one is our unexpected blessing. As I told Marck, I was worried that he’d freak, or cry or go get a second job. If you have seen the way our kids eat, you’d understand. But he didn’t. He just said,” wow! Ok, this is a blessing! How great!”. I love his excitement. At the time all I could think of was we gave away every baby item we don’t need anymore, and that I am about to embark on yet another weight gaining binge. Super. The weight comes off easy enough, that shouldn’t bother me. Still, my waist line will be expanding.
We told our kiddos last night and they seemed ok at first. Then Zion got particularly weepy. Actually both the older ones did, for various reasons. After staying up way past bedtime to discuss and talk about how great it will be, they seemed at peace. For now.
As I came downstairs after our talk, I realized, life IS going to be different. Life was very different after each addition we’ve had. In the end, it has been amazing and I wouldn’t trade any single moment of it. As the song says, “my heart will chose to say, blessed be Your name”. I am choosing to bless God, and thank Him for unannounced miracles. You know I also love getting wisdom from movies, very theological. In the immortal words of Mrs. Gump, “ life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.” Well, she left out something. We don’t know, but I know the One who does, and I trust Him fully and completely.